1/40. Q: Psychologists?
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
2/40. Q: Vegans?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, one to check the ingredient list on the packaging.
3/40. Q: Dr. Who fans?
A: None. They all just sit around, waiting for it to come back on.
4/40. Q: Surrealists?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
5/40. Q: Cops?
A: None. It turned itself in.
6/40. Q: Lawyers?
A: How many can you afford?
7/40. Q: Consultants?
A: I’ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.
8/40. Q: Survivors of a nuclear war?
A: None, because people who glow in the dark don’t need lightbulbs.
9/40. Q: Fundamentalists?
A: “The Bible doesn’t mention lightbulbs.”
10/40. Q: Feminists?
A: “That’s not funny!”
Continue the jokes on the next page!
11/40. Q: Lead guitarists?
A: Six: One to change it, five to say “I could’ve done it better.”
12/40. Q: College students
A: I don’t know, will this be on the test?
13/40. Q: Punk Rockers?
A: Twenty. One to change it and nineteen to call him a sell-out for doing so.
14/40. Q: Pessimists?
A: None. The old one is probably screwed in too tightly.
15/40. Q: Procrastinators?
A: One, but he has to wait until the light is better.
16/40. Q: Programmers?
A: “That’s a hardware problem.”
17/40. Q: Pro-Lifers?
A: Six: Two to screw in the new lightbulb, and four to testify that it was lit from the moment that they began screwing.
18/40. Q: Psychoanalysts?
A: “How many do you think it takes?”
19/40. Q: Presidents?
A: I resent that question. I’ve answered it before, and I think the media are keeping this thing alive. I think the American people are TIRED of light bulb jokes.
20/40. Q: Thought police?
A: None: There never was a lightbulb.
Continue the jokes on the next page!
21/40. Q: Floridians?
A: … not sure…they are still counting.
22/40. Q: Countries?
A: “At least seven. The Germans to start it, the French to give up without really trying, the Italians to start, get nowhere and try again from the other side, the English to hold fast, the Americans to finish off the job and then claim credit for the whole thing, the Russians to bear the brunt and then covet half the other nations, and the Swiss to pretend that nothing happened…”
23/40. Q: Lead singers?
A: One: He holds the bulb while the world revolves around him.
24/40. Q:Honest politicians
A: “As soon as we find one, we’ll let you know.”
25/40. Q: Cab Drivers?
A: (Sucks teeth) All the way up there? At this time of night? You must be joking, guy!
26/40. Q: Cashiers?
A: Are you joking? They can’t even change a five-dollar bill!
27/40. Q: CIA agents?
A: If I were to tell you that, I would have to kill you.
28/40. Q: Evolution Theorists
A: One, but it takes millions of years.
29/40. Q: Mathmaticians:
A: n (where n is a positive integer)
30/40. Q: Writers?
A: Why does it have to be changed?
Continue the jokes on the next page!
31/40. Q: Freudians?
A: Two; One to change the bulb and one to hold my penis… I mean, my mother… I mean, the ladder.
32/40. Q: Performance Artists?
A: One, but he has to smear his body with peanut butter in time to atonal chanting, and insert the bulb in his ear first.
33/40. Q: Musicians?
A: Twenty: One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 on the guest list.
34/40. Q: Marxists?
A: None: The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own destruction.
35/40. Q: Vietnam Veterans?
A: YOU DON’T KNOW! YOU WEREN’T THERE, MAN!!! YOU’LL NEVER KNOW!!!!!
36/40. Q: Wikipedians?
A: 4, one to change the bulb, a second to write a lengthy article about the historical ramifications of changing light bulbs, and a third to start an edit war with the second. Oh, and the person that invariably lists it on AfD. This light-bulb has blown. You can help Wikipedia by changing it.
37/40. Q: Valley girls?
A: Oooh, like, manual labor? Gag me with a spoon! For sure.
38/40. Q: Daleks?
A: Two and a half million, to conquer a race that can climb ladders
39/40. Q: Dragon Ball Z characters?
A: One, but it will take him five episodes and four transformations to do it.
40. Q: Anticlimaxes?
A: I don’t know… about four. Ish.